Eventually I would like to make video content for Newgrounds, but for now, my current focus is political commentary while playing Donkey Kong Country and Yoshi's Island. Some of my rhetoric is edgy, so I do not want kids watching my content despite me playing games that were designed for all ages.

This was not a problem until last month. I kept doing band-aid solutions to this problem so I can keep uploading content, but now my newest videos will not import to Premiere Pro. When I ask for advice on Discord servers, I get told to stop recording in lossless quality. I refuse to take that advice because I have recorded in lossless quality for almost three years. Making videos with gameplay in lossless video quality has allowed me to create unique content nobody else makes. To quit recording in lossless quality would result in me making worse content than what I created in the past two years. I do not understand why both Adobe Premiere Pro and OBS worked better for me in 2022 and in 2023. I would love to upload every day to YouTube, but I have been having so many software problems in the past four weeks that I need to take a break from uploading to YouTube, then look for a part-time job.

What is a nightmare for me is that my physical health is kind of deteriorating right now. I got diagnosed with mild degenerate disc disease last year when I was 34 years old, which has made it way harder for me to live my life like I did in my early thirties. I want to become a self-made man who succeeds at life while chasing after my passions, but physical health issues have made it a nightmare for me to accomplish most of my goals in life. Even though I run a gaming focused YouTube channel, I probably play video games less often than the average gamer due to chronic health issues.

So both my physical health and some of the software I use to create content have become unreliable. I regularly feel like the best times of my life are over unless I can figure out how to succeed from chasing after my passions. If I cannot get my issues with OBS resolved, I might pivot away from gaming content, then focus on making entirely different video content. I do not want to do that, but if software does not work to where I have multiple hard-drives full of unfinished videos I cannot complete, what else can I do? So I might take a super long break from YouTube either to get this issue resolved or focus on making entirely different content for my channel. The upside to all of this is that if I were to shift away from making gaming content, I could potentially create content that I can upload to both YouTube and Newgrounds.

Since I am going to a funeral today, I celebrated Mother's Day yesterday with my wonderful mom. I hope everyone who reads this message has a super lovely weekend.

R.I.P. Bootsie 2010-2025

You were an amazing cat.

So on January 20th, 2025, I made a blog post about how quitting my vices destroyed my mental health. I returned to some of my vices less than a week ago and it has been kind of fascinating. Some aspects of my life like the quality of my sleep got significantly worse from switching back to eating unhealthy food, but I have way more energy and it has become easy for me to stay away for 20+ hours again. I think if I can figure out how to naturally have a lot of the positive benefits to my vices like more energy and better mental health, but without the vices, my life would improve dramatically.

Worst aspect to quitting my vices was the severity of my migraine pain. When I attempted to quit chocolate in February, my migraine pain became comparable to when I quit narcotics in 2016. Literally the pain became so unbearable that I became useless as a human being. Like I was barely doing anything other than suffer in agonizing pain in my bed. Ever noticed how some coffee addicts have to keep drinking coffee or else they get a headache? I always have a 24/7 migraine, but without chocolate, my migraine pain issues are unbearable. I hope I can eventually quit chocolate without the side effect of rebound headaches.

My mental health has improved greatly since I returned to my vices, but I do not want to rely on vices for most of my life. Under ideal circumstances, I would love to quit consumable vices before the end of 2025 with occasional cheat days like birthdays. However, I might not be able to quit chocolate due to the migraine issues. A lot of people do not know this, but chocolate has caffeine in it. So it is possible that when I quit chocolate, I go through both chocolate withdraw and chocolate withdraw.

Having a healthy lifestyle is extremely hard. Most of our food and beverages are poison. A lot of healthy food is expensive, especially if you want a nutritionally diverse diet. Just eating the same healthy foods constantly can have their own negative side effects depending on your body. Going from eating a few healthy foods all the time to having a mix of healthy and unhealthy food had unexpected health benefits. That is because our bodies were meant to eat a diverse amount of foods. Hopefully I can figure out how to have a diverse diet of mostly healthy food sometime soon so I can live a better quality life.

Worst side effect I have experienced from returning to bad food is that my skin looks worse. My skin looked a lot better when I ate nothing but healthy food. So if you want to look younger and healthier, fix your diet if you currently eat a lot of bad food. Thanks for reading this blog post and I hope you have a super lovely day. Also, drink some water. You probably need more water than what you consume.

Over a decade ago, I wanted to kill myself, but I learned that if I regularly indulged in consumable vices, the suicidal thoughts would go away. Like if I ate a ton of icecream with chocolate, life seemed good. Well, after indulging in bad habits on a regular basis for over a decade, the aging process kicked my ass in 2024 to where I want to quit all consumable vices in 2025. The problem with this plan is that it has decimated my mental health to an extreme.

This is my 2025 NEW YEARS RESOLUTiON:

1. Quit alcohol.

2. Quit THC.

3. Quit donuts.

4. Quit icecream.

5. Quit eggnog.

6. Quit cookies.

So far, I have successfully quit all six of those consumable vices and I plan to quit chocolate in February. The problem is that my mental health is now horrendous every single day. Like to appear happy, I feel like I have to play a character because I am insanely miserable. It does not help that I have also been very sick for most of this month, so I quit my favorite comfort food in the same month I felt very ill. My initial plan was to put a ton of effort into fitness so I would get an immediate direct benefit. Instead, I have been sick for over two weeks, so I am in way worse physical shape than usual despite quitting unhealthy habits.

My current situation feels like a nightmare. I spent most of last month recovering from a medical procedure, then this month, I am recovering from being very sick. I am physically out of shape compared to how I normally feel. My body functions like garbage if I do not exercise often, but whenever I exercised this month, I felt way sicker the next day. This has been a horrendous month of my life. I hate the current state of my life. I hope the rest of 2025 is better because the first twenty days of 2025 has been horrible for me.

I was not put on this earth to create a child that outlives me,

I was put on this earth to create art that outlives me.

This photo was taken when I went for a walk to a physical therapy appointment. If someone wants to stay thin or lose weight, walking to places instead of driving is an effective way to stay lean. I got most of my exercise in the past four months from walking when I was dealing with back pain issues everyday.

How was your day?